you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
