Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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