The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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