just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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