we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
