This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
