Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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