We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize