Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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