i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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