i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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