dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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