I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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