Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
