She is in my trunk
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
