Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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