Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
