lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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