Whod you bang
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your cock deserves a montage
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
