I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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