I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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