Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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