; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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