all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
