After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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