I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
