the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
