Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
