If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
