Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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