drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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