You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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