it was like his penis was on wheels.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize