who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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