I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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