I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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