How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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