so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My vagina is officially offended.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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