Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
