i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
