Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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