tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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