we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
