Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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