i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
