Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
