I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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