What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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