Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
