I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
