I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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