it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
