my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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