Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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