Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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