just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
