Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
