People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
