Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
