Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
